im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
