He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
