Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
