her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
