The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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