a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
