I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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