I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
