im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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