I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
