considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
