I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
