If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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