i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
