I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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