I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
