The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
