your room smells of hookers.
And success
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
