why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
