I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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