last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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