If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
