Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
