New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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