A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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