dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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