I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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