Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
