So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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