The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
