i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need a beard to bite.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
