Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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