with your own penis?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
