He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
