I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
