is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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