I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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