dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
