I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
