Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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