Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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