problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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