I cockslap morals
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
