Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
