you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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