dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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