I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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