i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
