I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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