i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
