I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
