Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
